Amaranthine Haze
Amaranthine Haze

I’m starting a strange phase in my life.
A sober phase.

I’ve really lightened up on my drinking and smoking the past few months, and have not even had the desire to touch another drug.

And now I suddenly have no desire to drink nor smoke.
Let me rephrase that, no desire to get fucked up. Not even fucked up, no desire to party. Ya know?
Like, I have the desire to drink, but not get drunk. For the taste of it, the relaxation of a buzz. And only in small groups, like one to three people.
My desire to smoke is nonexistent.

Like this is weird for me.
Not like I was an addict. Let’s not mistake that.
I guess I don’t feel twenty-one, I feel like a fifty year old woman who just wants to sit in her garden and have cheese & wine.

I’m always growing up too quickly.

"Have you ever just looked at someone and thought, “I really love you”. They’re just talking or humming or watching a movie or reading a book or laughing or something, and there’s something about them in that moment that makes you think, “I just really love you.

"What’s the worst thing I’ve stolen? Probably little pieces of other people’s lives. Where I’ve either wasted their time or hurt them in some way. That’s the worst thing you can steal, the time of other people. You just can’t get that back.

Chester Bennington (via larmoyante)

(via a-celestial-spark)


Han Xiao (b. 1982, LiaoNing province, China) - Portrait of J.K.X.Ⅱ, 2013    Paintings: Oil on Canvas

"A Gilded Age", Vogue US, September 1999Photographer : Steven MeiselModel : Audrey Marnay
Happy birthday, Audrey! (October 14, 1980, 34 today)
Paz de la Huerta, by Bruce Weber


'Tell me what happens the first time you see a woman naked.'

'The first time you see a woman naked will not be like you imagined. There will be no love, no trust, no intimacy. You won’t even be in the same room as her.

You won’t get to smile as she undresses you and you undress her. You won’t get to calm her nerves with nerves of your own. You won’t get to kiss her, feeling her lips and the edge of her tongue. You won’t get to brush your fingers over the lace of her bra or count her ribs or feel her heartbeat.

The first time you see a woman naked you will be sitting in front of a computer screen watching someone play at intimacy and perform at sex. She will contort her body to please everyone in the room but her. You will watch this woman who is not a woman, pixelated and filtered and customized. She will come ready-made, like an order at a restaurant. The man on the screen will be bigger than you, rougher than you. He will teach you how to talk to her. He will teach you where to put your hands and he will teach you what you’re supposed to like. He will teach you to take what is yours.

You must unlearn this. You must unlearn this twisted sense of love. You must unlearn the definition of pleasure and intimacy you are being taught. Kill this idea of love, this idea of entitlement, this way of scarring one another.’



am i the only one who just stares at my whole body naked on the mirror when i’m about to take a shower and start dancing and all